Well i think i have encountered something that honestly scared the shite out of me. Im sure it was something that doesn't happen to people often but when it does theres nothing that will give you the shakes more and take a few years off. So i was talking to Tonya on the phone one night as she was driving out to one of her best friends birthday party at a bowling alley. So far it had been a good day for me, and i was taunting her as usual (what can i say its soooooo very fun!) When something i have experienced before happens to her but im like a silent cripple watching from the sidelines.
First thing i hear is "o shit" yes shes a very clever one. Then the phone hits something, not sure what but it hits something. Maybe she dropped the phone im thinking, just give her a second to recover. Then more clunking, rattling and finally silence. Luckily im not one to freak out or panic so here i am on the phone "tonya?"......."tonya?!"........ and ofcourse the tauntingness of it shes says my name but as a question. At this point i have figured out shes been in a wreck, what kind of wreck i have no clue. Im worried, shaking, and hoping she picks up the phone soon or someone comes to help her, cause im hopeless in this situation. First thing i think of is that she can't find the phone or isn't capable of reaching it, second thing i think of is that someone needs to help her but im useless cause i know no one in the vicinity that could go help her, third thing im thinking of is how to call 911 and explain to them that she got into a wreck and that they need to help her all the while explaining that i have NO FREAKING IDEA WHERE SHE IS AND IF SHES HURT! not really freaking out but i felt caps would make things all the more clearer.
Finally she gets to the phone, but of course im not paniced but she is. She answers the phone hello then frantically almost "I can't get out". Being level headed my simple answer is "what about the passenger door", lets just say thank god she was talking to me (she is going to kill me when she reads this!). She finally gets outside the car and starts telling me what happened and ofcourse this just makes me more worried, but she says shes "all right" and guess what? i dont believe her one bit. She hangs up with me to call her family and the police. She calls me back a little later and i harass her for atleast 15 min asking her to check herself, make sure there is no bleeding, anything is broken (besides her head which evidentally driving in snow that isn't plowed on a really cold night shows that is has been broken for quite a while now!).
So ya not quite the way i planned on recreating this circumstance but i like it, she'll kill me for it and we'll go on talking until she maims some other innocent trees. I mean really why take everything out on the trees? *runs off to hide*
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
When my World Turns Grey
Warning: Im slightly depressed right now so this may come out a little emo, no promises though :p.
Last couple days have been like one of those days where it just rains all the time. Theres no thunder or lightning, nothing to add sound besides the rain pattering on the ground, the clouds blotting out the sun steal most of the color from the world and the trees gently whisk from the small breeze that brought the storm in and will eventually take it out. It just feels like i am sitting there at the window seal looking out into my world, a world gone gray and i can't seem to figure out why the color went away.
I guess for someone who loves being around others and wants to find someone to be with always there comes times when they are alone that depressing sets in, that no matter how optimistic and hopefull one is they sooner or later break down their happiness shell and fall into the murky waters of despair. I have hit that mark and lets just say taking a deep breath would ultimately drowned me, so lets not think that. My friends all came home from college i got to meet a couple old ones, made a couple new ones and i can see where their lives are going. Then i look at the people that are about to graduate about to go into college and right now that is their life, if they dont get into the schools they applied for they can feel their future buckel aroudn them. I've never had this feeling, ever.
No matter how much i stare out that window into my future i can't find my place, there is just so much gray that everything seems to blend. I try desperately hard to pick out patterns, find my way through the maze, there must be some color somewhere, im tired of staring into this world, tired of staring into this life. I want to go to college and that should be a life for me, that should be a future but i have no ambition for going, im going because i know if i dont i'll just end up at some dead end job that i enjoy 20% of the time and hate the rest of the time. I dont want this because i know this job would thus effect me as a person and effect everyone i come into contact with. I dont want to find the perfect girl then watch her walk away because i make life crappy with my bad moods and attitude because im stuck somewhere i dotn want to be.
This leads me into another area, the water is starting to pile to high for me to swim and catch my breath. For the last two years of my highschool life and for the time after the only thing i have been thinking about is what i would like to be, what career i would like to do, and you know what i think im honestly screwed. Everything intrigues me, everything is interesting and every hobby i have ever taken is now sitting collecting dust. I love math and science, writing is a passion that most don't know about. On the other hand i love to talk to people to be able to meet new people each day and interact with fellow employees all around me, but most the time these are retail positions and although i like my job more then half the time i hate the companies i work for or the ethics of my bosses and the way they run the company/business/area.
So for now im stuck staring out this window into my world that is perfectly gray, and i never even stopped to notice that i was staring out not through a window but through a fish tank that i had created. I have made myself into a project of sorts, to see if i can overcome these ultimate shortcomings, and the only problem is that im not sure if i'll be able to swim out alive.
Last couple days have been like one of those days where it just rains all the time. Theres no thunder or lightning, nothing to add sound besides the rain pattering on the ground, the clouds blotting out the sun steal most of the color from the world and the trees gently whisk from the small breeze that brought the storm in and will eventually take it out. It just feels like i am sitting there at the window seal looking out into my world, a world gone gray and i can't seem to figure out why the color went away.
I guess for someone who loves being around others and wants to find someone to be with always there comes times when they are alone that depressing sets in, that no matter how optimistic and hopefull one is they sooner or later break down their happiness shell and fall into the murky waters of despair. I have hit that mark and lets just say taking a deep breath would ultimately drowned me, so lets not think that. My friends all came home from college i got to meet a couple old ones, made a couple new ones and i can see where their lives are going. Then i look at the people that are about to graduate about to go into college and right now that is their life, if they dont get into the schools they applied for they can feel their future buckel aroudn them. I've never had this feeling, ever.
No matter how much i stare out that window into my future i can't find my place, there is just so much gray that everything seems to blend. I try desperately hard to pick out patterns, find my way through the maze, there must be some color somewhere, im tired of staring into this world, tired of staring into this life. I want to go to college and that should be a life for me, that should be a future but i have no ambition for going, im going because i know if i dont i'll just end up at some dead end job that i enjoy 20% of the time and hate the rest of the time. I dont want this because i know this job would thus effect me as a person and effect everyone i come into contact with. I dont want to find the perfect girl then watch her walk away because i make life crappy with my bad moods and attitude because im stuck somewhere i dotn want to be.
This leads me into another area, the water is starting to pile to high for me to swim and catch my breath. For the last two years of my highschool life and for the time after the only thing i have been thinking about is what i would like to be, what career i would like to do, and you know what i think im honestly screwed. Everything intrigues me, everything is interesting and every hobby i have ever taken is now sitting collecting dust. I love math and science, writing is a passion that most don't know about. On the other hand i love to talk to people to be able to meet new people each day and interact with fellow employees all around me, but most the time these are retail positions and although i like my job more then half the time i hate the companies i work for or the ethics of my bosses and the way they run the company/business/area.
So for now im stuck staring out this window into my world that is perfectly gray, and i never even stopped to notice that i was staring out not through a window but through a fish tank that i had created. I have made myself into a project of sorts, to see if i can overcome these ultimate shortcomings, and the only problem is that im not sure if i'll be able to swim out alive.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
The decisions we make.
An interesting thing happened to me today. My friend told me that his company is hiring. Its an oil company and its hiring land agents. My job as a land agent basically would be to go out and talk to the farmers and land owners to get permission to test for oil on their land. This job pays 250 an hour and thats pretty damn good. 5 days a week im looking at just over 60,000 a year. The big problem is that it would require me to move to New York. New York is a 1000 miles away from anything i know besides my two friends who work for this company. I might also get moved to another area eventually. When i was talking to him on the phone i didn't know what to do, there wasn't many questions coming to mind i was wondering whether it sounded good or not.
There are 3 peoples opinions who matter to me the most upon this matter. One of them will only push me towards doing it cause she doesn't want to come off as selfish and convince me to stay here, shes a bit odd :p. My grandparents are the other two, and after talking to them today i get the idea that they think its a bad idea. The first thing my grandma says is "is it a legit company" and i had no clue what to say. My friend has been working for this company for 2 months, im pretty sure he would have found out by now if it wasn't a real company, you dont go oblivious like that for 2 months, at least not my friends. So after talking with them all i have several questions to ask that will need to be answered before i say yes or no. Like will i have a company vehicle to drive out to these owners place, is gas paid for then? Do the pay to move if they require you to do so? If theres nothing to do, do i still get paid? these are deal breakers for me, so lets hope those are all positive answers.
I was thinking that if everything turned out good that i would do this for about a year. Even at 2000 a month for living expenses that leaves me profitting about 36k in one year. Thats alot of money, atleast enough to get me a couple years in college or more. Thats one of my big problems that taking this job brings up. I want to go back to college, i quit midsemester when i was 18 and haven't went back yet, and i feel that i need to do this. The other problem is that i want stability, although this job gives me great money, the moving around doesn't give me that stability. I want to find a g/f so i can start making a possible future family, something that will be really hard to do moving around and then moving back. I moved away a year ago to be with someone i loved and that didn't work out and i realized that i had made so many mistakes in my past that i shouldn't have. I should have went back to school, i should have paved a path for my future, but i didn't. I want that ability to do so now, even if i have to take out expensive loans to pay my way through school. I want to be able to grab a job that will keep me in one place and be able to provide for me and my future family. Money isn't a big thing to me, if i have enough to get what needs to be done and just a bit extra im great. I dont need to be babied in society, i dont need the sports car and big screen tv, i just need people around me that i love and care for. In the year i planned on turning things i went wrong around in, i get this big wrench thrown in. It could mean great possibilities, but it could also ruin so many others for me. So now im stuck, i think when i go in to talk to my friend it'll help me decide my answer. Thanks for listening again to my ranting.
There are 3 peoples opinions who matter to me the most upon this matter. One of them will only push me towards doing it cause she doesn't want to come off as selfish and convince me to stay here, shes a bit odd :p. My grandparents are the other two, and after talking to them today i get the idea that they think its a bad idea. The first thing my grandma says is "is it a legit company" and i had no clue what to say. My friend has been working for this company for 2 months, im pretty sure he would have found out by now if it wasn't a real company, you dont go oblivious like that for 2 months, at least not my friends. So after talking with them all i have several questions to ask that will need to be answered before i say yes or no. Like will i have a company vehicle to drive out to these owners place, is gas paid for then? Do the pay to move if they require you to do so? If theres nothing to do, do i still get paid? these are deal breakers for me, so lets hope those are all positive answers.
I was thinking that if everything turned out good that i would do this for about a year. Even at 2000 a month for living expenses that leaves me profitting about 36k in one year. Thats alot of money, atleast enough to get me a couple years in college or more. Thats one of my big problems that taking this job brings up. I want to go back to college, i quit midsemester when i was 18 and haven't went back yet, and i feel that i need to do this. The other problem is that i want stability, although this job gives me great money, the moving around doesn't give me that stability. I want to find a g/f so i can start making a possible future family, something that will be really hard to do moving around and then moving back. I moved away a year ago to be with someone i loved and that didn't work out and i realized that i had made so many mistakes in my past that i shouldn't have. I should have went back to school, i should have paved a path for my future, but i didn't. I want that ability to do so now, even if i have to take out expensive loans to pay my way through school. I want to be able to grab a job that will keep me in one place and be able to provide for me and my future family. Money isn't a big thing to me, if i have enough to get what needs to be done and just a bit extra im great. I dont need to be babied in society, i dont need the sports car and big screen tv, i just need people around me that i love and care for. In the year i planned on turning things i went wrong around in, i get this big wrench thrown in. It could mean great possibilities, but it could also ruin so many others for me. So now im stuck, i think when i go in to talk to my friend it'll help me decide my answer. Thanks for listening again to my ranting.
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