When my World Turns Grey

Warning: Im slightly depressed right now so this may come out a little emo, no promises though :p.

Last couple days have been like one of those days where it just rains all the time. Theres no thunder or lightning, nothing to add sound besides the rain pattering on the ground, the clouds blotting out the sun steal most of the color from the world and the trees gently whisk from the small breeze that brought the storm in and will eventually take it out. It just feels like i am sitting there at the window seal looking out into my world, a world gone gray and i can't seem to figure out why the color went away.
I guess for someone who loves being around others and wants to find someone to be with always there comes times when they are alone that depressing sets in, that no matter how optimistic and hopefull one is they sooner or later break down their happiness shell and fall into the murky waters of despair. I have hit that mark and lets just say taking a deep breath would ultimately drowned me, so lets not think that. My friends all came home from college i got to meet a couple old ones, made a couple new ones and i can see where their lives are going. Then i look at the people that are about to graduate about to go into college and right now that is their life, if they dont get into the schools they applied for they can feel their future buckel aroudn them. I've never had this feeling, ever.
No matter how much i stare out that window into my future i can't find my place, there is just so much gray that everything seems to blend. I try desperately hard to pick out patterns, find my way through the maze, there must be some color somewhere, im tired of staring into this world, tired of staring into this life. I want to go to college and that should be a life for me, that should be a future but i have no ambition for going, im going because i know if i dont i'll just end up at some dead end job that i enjoy 20% of the time and hate the rest of the time. I dont want this because i know this job would thus effect me as a person and effect everyone i come into contact with. I dont want to find the perfect girl then watch her walk away because i make life crappy with my bad moods and attitude because im stuck somewhere i dotn want to be.
This leads me into another area, the water is starting to pile to high for me to swim and catch my breath. For the last two years of my highschool life and for the time after the only thing i have been thinking about is what i would like to be, what career i would like to do, and you know what i think im honestly screwed. Everything intrigues me, everything is interesting and every hobby i have ever taken is now sitting collecting dust. I love math and science, writing is a passion that most don't know about. On the other hand i love to talk to people to be able to meet new people each day and interact with fellow employees all around me, but most the time these are retail positions and although i like my job more then half the time i hate the companies i work for or the ethics of my bosses and the way they run the company/business/area.
So for now im stuck staring out this window into my world that is perfectly gray, and i never even stopped to notice that i was staring out not through a window but through a fish tank that i had created. I have made myself into a project of sorts, to see if i can overcome these ultimate shortcomings, and the only problem is that im not sure if i'll be able to swim out alive.