Cruel Love

There are many things in your life that you learn to love. The beer and pizza every monday night at your friends house watching the game, dinner at your grandma's where you know she'll have the food you like, or a nice massage by a naked women. Although i agree these are all things one could love those are not cruel, but just and welcoming.
I seem to have stumbled upon something so cruel but addicting. I need it so badly that its hard to sleep at night, and when i wake in the morning i wish that it was there with me. Everyone says theres a time and place for what you need to happen, but damn it why can't today be the time and place, why can't everything be right for me right now. fate is such a cruel mistress, one so cruel she says only promises and then walks away when your about to explode.
I know not how to put exactly what it makes me feel but im sure you can understand, for everything running through your head, everything pushing your thoughts, and the thing that makes your heart skip a beat when you hear a few choice words is there for me too. I wish that fate were a just and good girl, but i am thinking she's bitter about being fat in high-school.