To fall in love

Today has turned out to be a very sad and lonely day for me. I do not even have the faintest idea why but i almost feel like crying im so lonely. I spent 5 hours at work with 3 girls trying to cheer me up all night and never once did i smile or feel good, i just felt so secluded and alone. I haven't had a depressed day for a very long time and it really bothers me, it hurts almost.
Song i heard at work made me think of a little tidbit that isn't funny at all and completely with my mood. Every person in the world wants to fall in love, find that one person that will make them the happiest being in the world and just lay in their arms all through your life. Falling in love is the greatest thing in the world, feels like you've left the ground and are flying the skies above, each time i have went for the arms of another it has been but a mirage in the sky. Each time i crashed hard into the ground and found out that the worst thing about falling in love is the part where you hit the ground. Two holes have been left in this world of mine, two graves buried deep that will never be filled. These graves belong to the two girls i have loved in my life and lost. I can't help but think if the hole im digging to plant the newest seed will just be another grave, another sore spot on my beautiful world.
Life to me is a never ending road of intersections, streets, highways and paths. I know not the current path i walk but i know the places i have been. I know of the castles i have built, of the gardens i've created, tended and walked away from, and i know the people i have met and walked with. Right now i walk a road alone and have walked this road for a while now. There are those who i hold very dear and want to be with but for now their roas are close but too far to reach, and it hurts a little that i can't find my way too them. I hate that this is not a world where i can simply walk off my chosen path to be with them or select a route that will take me along side them. The one thing i fear is that it'll all be the same, that the seemingly repetitiveness of my road will occur again, run full circle and send me off into the world alone, estranged, and hurt.
All i can say to finish this off is that there is someone out there for me that i need. Someone that wants to hug me and tell me everything is alright, someone willing to walk my road even though its seemingly falling apart. I can only apologize to her right now that the road i walk is old as time, i chose not the smooth highways that send us careening through life but the old path thats broken and beaten, where one moment it could be paved the next moment a bog trying to drowned you away. She will look into my eyes though and see the truth of this path, she'll see the beauty of my gray world and then she'll know the colors that surround her, then she'll know she has finally touched my soul. Lets just hope that my road will one day be easy, lets just hope that one day my road will be full of people clapping me on the back and laughing at my antics, but for now i'll walk my road alone, endure my pain inside, and build my world one single step at a time.